Won’t you take a few moments to read some of the posts below?
By sharing my experience I hope to help divorcing parents avoid my divorce pain, for the kids sake.
What I have gone through isn’t an isolated event; it happens all over the world everyday and very often (In My Opinion) it happens by accident. It is a slow process which is exacerbated by other influential adults in a child of divorce’ life talking negatively about a non-custodial parent. The more rejecting the custodial parent is of the ex-spouse, the more hatred and contempt displayed by the parent a child lives with then the MORE likely that child will eventually reject the non-custodial parent. This is due to fear of rejection by both parents. If custodial parent can reject someone s/he promised to love honor and cherish so maliciously, what is to prevent custodial parent from rejecting the child if s/he displeases him/her? What would happen to that child if mom and dad both reject him/her? Would they be alone? Fear rules the depths of a child’s imagination.
My opinions are that there is no way to completely reverse Parental Alienation once the child is over 16-17 because too much has been lost, like the point of no return.
I believe that some families and people don’t even realize how serious the impact of their off the cuff remarks are to the listening child.
I believe that the custodial parent has a duty to maintain open contact with the other parent and to do everything possible to help the child retain the parent child relationship that existed during the marriage.
I FIRMLY believe that neither parent should move farther away than 30 miles. This was my BIGGEST MISTAKE.
I believe that family courts should have some sort of public defender or other type of legal aid on a sliding scale to even out the playing field in these very important issues. When one parent has all the resources and the other is destitute even the idea of custody being given to the poor parent is a concept the indigent parent wouldn’t want, because with the wealthy one the child will have their needs met by virtue of financial ability. I recall a few visits where I had nothing but peanut butter and rice to feed 5 of us for a weekend. It is an awful feeling to have nothing more to offer the children you love.
I believe that there should be a post divorce review, not in the courthouse, but with some type of case manager who retrieves various pieces of information and documents the judge may have ordered created or filed, receipts proving bills have been paid; child support and alimony payments should be processed electronically via a private party who would report immediately any failure of payment which can be settled swiftly without long drawn out contempt hearings.
I believe that family court judges should not interject their personal beliefs regarding the divorcing parties into their verdict. In my case I had been too politically active as a Republican in a Democrat State; it hurt me in court, I am sure of it.
These are just some of my views and I hope you will read on to learn more about My Divorce Pain so it will prevent you from hurting too.
Leah Leanne Talley (Formerly Wesolowski)